“Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it relates to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go alone.” – Margaret J. Wheatley
Did you know that social isolation is so detrimental to your overall health and well-being that it has been equated by scientists and researchers to smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being morbidly obese? It has a HUGE impact on your physical and mental health! Being lonely, feeling disconnected, and being alone are, in fact, catastrophic to our health. Robert Waldinger, M.D., writes about the importance of relationships and healthy human connections in his book, The Joy of Wellbeing. Dr. Waldinger is currently a part of the Harvard Study, the most extended study ever done on adult life. This study has followed some participants (mostly men, especially in the early days, but women were added eventually) for 80+ years and examined the question, “What makes a good life?” Some of the findings are unsurprising but may be so apparent that they have been overlooked. After all, we are certainly not happier than we were 80 years ago. In fact, we think it is safe to say that we are significantly less happy. Every barometer points to an epidemic of mental health challenges worldwide and in populations. The big takeaway from this longevity study is that people need people. Healthy relationships and social connections are essential to our well-being. We need to work on our social connections as much as our cardio, flexibility, and cholesterol levels. When was the last time you reached out to someone? Have you arranged any social outings and gatherings recently? The pandemic sure did a number on us and our social connections. It’s hard for some people to get back out there and “people” again. It’s like starting your fitness routine, so hard the first few weeks, but gets more manageable as you work those muscles. It is the same with our social connectivity……flex those muscles and connect with others!
Social Fitness Challenge: Improve your Mental Health by Improving Your Connections with others
Pick one of the following:
- Text one friend you have not connected with in a while.
- Email an old colleague you connected with but haven’t stayed in touch with.
- Call a family member you have not spoken to in a while. It’s ok to call someone you talk to frequently, too. The goal is to reach out and make a human connection.
Once you have made a first step social connection, take a moment to reflect (either out loud or in your journal).
- How did it feel to make this connection?
- Did you have any concerns about reaching out to others?
- Did you feel more energetic or more depleted after connecting?
- How can you fit more social connections into your daily routines?
Pick one of the following:
- Text one friend you have not connected with in a while.
- Email an old colleague you connected with but haven’t stayed in touch with.
- Call a family member you have not spoken to in a while. It’s ok to call someone you talk to frequently, too. The goal is to reach out and make a human connection.
Once you have made a first step social connection, take a moment to reflect (either out loud or in your journal).
- How did it feel to make this connection?
- Did you have any concerns about reaching out to others?
- Did you feel more energetic or more depleted after connecting?
- How can you fit more social connections into your daily routines?
Now, let’s plan a few social connection goals for the near future. Make a list and write out your future plans and social goals.
- What new and adventurous could you try that includes social connections?
- Make a date with yourself to explore three new venues (restaurants, coffee shops, theaters, parks, trails, lakes, etc….…) with a friend, family member, or even your furry best friend.
- Start planning and scheduling those three events. These do not have to be expensive getaways or theater tickets. It can be exploring a new park with your children and a partner. It can be joining an early morning mall walking group or volunteering with a community garden or charity. Choose what you value and are interested in and then put on your party planner hat and gather with someone or some group.
Introverts and people who feel isolated tend to view these tasks as daunting and overwhelming. It’s just getting past that uncomfortable feeling and taking the first step that’s difficult. Numerous research studies have proven that social relationships are just as important as a healthy diet, exercise, and even medication in a person’s overall health and well-being. The irony of social connections is that we need them most; we are inclined to isolate, shut others out, and try and tough it out on our own. Don’t! The American individualistic “I can do it alone and pull myself up by my bootstraps” does not apply here! You cannot stay connected to others through social media, playing multiplayer video games, and hiding out binge-watching TV. Prioritize social connections, building community as staying connected with others. Think of it as an essential part of your routine of life – Connections Matter!
Journal Prompts
- Connections to others mean …..
- Connections bring me …..
- My social connection fitness is ….
- I can …..
- I will…….
- My community is ……
- What I need today is ……..
On those days when you least feel like peopling (we love that this is a verb now!), this is the exact day to write out your mantra on a sticky note, take a deep, slow breath, and take a baby step or colossal leap towards making connections.
