I happened upon the book The Velveteen Principles: A Guide to Becoming Real by Toni Raiten-D’Antonio in a vintage bookstore. I have heart-squeezing memories of reading The Velveteen Rabbit to my children when they were younger, so I was intrigued enough to buy this little hardback copy. I am glad I did. It is a little hidden gem of a self-help book.
One of the many messages about being Real outlined in the book addresses what living an authentic and purposeful life means. Here is an excerpt from the book: “…a life well-lived, where we are true to ourselves, all the struggles and challenges only make us more Real and more loveable. Others can see this quality in us and make us even more Real with their love and nurturing.”
This passage struck me because I believe it is so hard to be truly authentic today. The constant barrage of messages, advertisements, influencers, and media that we are inundated with expectations of what we should wear, what we should be doing, and what we should achieve is everywhere. It is inescapable unless you have gone off the grid and are living the life of a hermit.
What do we do to stay true to ourselves? How do we avoid losing ourselves to the pressures to conform, fit in, and belong? I know I’ve lost parts of myself along the way. For example, at my core, I am a hippy. Truly. But raising kids and being in certain environments has me wanting beautiful, expensive handbags, head-turning cars, look at me kitchen remodels, etc. Things that, at my core, have never been important. But somehow I get caught up in the race and culture of ‘having more means more value and respect from others’. My hippy self knows that’s nonsense, but I reluctantly admit it feels good when someone admires something I have on or what my new cabinets look like. It’s such a shallow, short-term thing; it’s not real; it’s just life’s example of a cocaine hit.
I often have to take time out to regroup, re-center, and remind myself of what truly matters—my family, children, goofy, crazy-ass rescue dog, values, nature, and sanity. But I love this passage, in that it reminds us that living our lives, all our mistakes and foibles is what makes us who we are, what makes us authentic and unique. And the reasons our families and friends love us are not because of what we wear or if we are driving a fancy new car, but because of who we are.
